what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
