Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just cropdusted the office
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
