Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
