I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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