What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
