People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
