I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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