we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
no, he came in my armpit
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
