toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
