My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
