if i can run in heels then i can drive
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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