Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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