last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
