So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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