Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
