i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
