I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
