I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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