I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
