Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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