can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
