what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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