Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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