Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Randomize
