I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
