I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
