I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
