theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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