And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
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