The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
