The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
