We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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