I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
