Hey man sorry I got all grabby
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
do herpes really smell.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
