Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
