Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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