Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
