Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
