it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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