Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
