google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
