I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
