Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
