I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
