Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Two words: blizzard sex
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
