Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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