I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
