NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
