so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
