people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
