I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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