I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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