so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
