So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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