It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
