New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Boobs speak an international language.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
