My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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